“Forgiveness”… what a concept

I guess if it weren’t for forgiveness, we’d all have killed off each other by now.  You piss me off, I piss you off.  Neighbor pisses off neighbor, wives piss off husbands, husbands piss off wives, kids piss off parents, employees piss off bosses, etc.  Yes, it could be a bloody slaughterhouse out there, if it weren’t for the human emotion of forgiveness.  So what is this thing called forgiveness anyway?  How does it work?

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Definitions-wise, I think most everyone would agree that forgiveness is an emotional tool we humans use in an attempt to repair believed damages between two or more individuals.  Kinda like a craving for Mounds vs. Almond Joy, sometimes that tool works/satisfies, and sometimes it doesn’t, depending on the “level of damage” (or the mood) experienced by the aggrieved (i.e., the so-called victim).

As flawed humans, it is true that we are likely to have found ourselves on both sides of the issue, whether being the requestor of forgiveness, or the grantor of forgiveness.  If one perceives s/he has wronged another and is regretful about it, he may request the other’s forgiveness.  If granted, a feeling of vindication is usually realized by the transgressor, and a feeling of justice is usually realized by the transgressed.  Likewise, if one perceives himself as having been wronged by another, he may desire that the other request his forgiveness so that he may consider granting it.  Granting forgiveness is usually considered a generous gesture, both by the wrong-er and wrong-ee.  However, damages in the form of emotional scars may have been suffered and they may take a long long time, if ever, to disappear from one or more of the parties.  If you followed my breadcrumbs, all this mumbo-jumbo is just a contorted way of saying… forgiveness is a means of making amends for wrongdoings.

Okay, I think we have a handle on the concept of forgiveness.  So let’s look at some examples of forgiveness in action.  Let me tell you some stories.

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(Story 1)

Stan performs an act of transgression against neighbor Ali; he steals something out of Ali’s garage.  Lately, Ali has noticed several things going missing.  When Stan’s momentary “psychological high” (regarding his evil stealing) subsides, he eventually feels bad about his actions, confesses it to Ali, and requests Ali’s forgiveness.  Ali considers the situation and decides that many understandable factors could have led Stan to stealing from him.  Ali decides to be generous and grants forgiveness to Stan.  Both sides feel pretty good about the understanding that has been reached.  Ali trusts that Stan won’t do it again, especially as remorseful as Stan seemed to feel about his wrongdoing.

Now things are quiet for awhile, but soon Stan steals again from Ali’s garage.  It’s déjà vu all over again, and Ali reluctantly considers forgiving Stan a second time.  The scar runs a little deeper now and Ali is getting a little leery of Stan.  Ali knows that people can make mistakes and really wants to give Stan the benefit of the doubt, so he again grants forgiveness to Stan.  Both sides again feel satisfied about the forgiveness outcome.

Lo and behold, if Stan’s stealing happens yet again!  Ali really starts to wonder about Stan.  He wonders if Stan may have some kind of kleptomania-type sickness.   Stan seems normal, but continues to make a mockery of Ali’s generosity of forgiveness.  Ali begins to wonder if Stan really understands the concept of forgiveness.  Can someone really be sincere, who continues to do the same wrong over and over, and then ask for forgiveness for such?  It really makes no logical sense.

(Story 2)

Now let’s change the scenario.  We will use Stan and Ali in this one too.  Poor Ali is still experiencing items going missing from his garage.  Every time he’s seen confronting Stan about the missing items, their neighbor man, Jessi, comes running over from across the street and takes the blame in Stan’s place.  Jessi is just this real nice guy and knows how Stan has an affinity for trouble.  Even though innocent himself, Jessi confesses that it is his fault that things are missing from the garage and profusely apologizes to Ali, while Stan just stands back and lets Jessi take the rap.  While Stan privately does feel bad that Jessi would do this for him, Stan doesn’t have the integrity to step in and tell Ali the real truth; that he has actually stolen the missing items.  Stan knows that if he had an ounce of moral fiber, he would not let Jessi take the blame for his wrongdoings.  Still, Stan continues to let Jessi take the blame for his mistakes, over and over and over again.  Worse yet, Ali seems content to accept Jessi’s apologies in place of Stan’s.  Stan and Ali, and even Jessi all actually know, deep down inside, how futile the situation is because, as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow, Stan will again be foraging around in Ali’s garage tonight, looking for things he desires.  He can’t seem to help himself; it’s like he’s destined to do it.

And what kind of person is Stan, who lets Jessi take the blame for his mistakes?  And not just once, but over and over again.  We all know the answer to this one.  Stan is a loser, ranking maybe just one level above the amoeba, on the personal integrity chart.  And what about Jessi?  Is he some kind of sick masochist?  Will justice ever be served if Jessi continues to take the blame for Stan’s mistakes?  Is Jessi really doing a service, or disservice, to Stan?

Stan has enough sense to know that he can’t seem to help himself, when he does something morally wrong.  He knows that he could ask Ali for forgiveness, and Ali will probably continue to grant it.  But they both know that Stan is very likely to do it again.  It’s like they’re both trapped in some kind of bad dream loop and can’t find a way to fix it.  From Stan’s perspective, he may as well ask Ali to forgive him for breathing, eating or thinking.  Stan hates that it must seem like he is making a mockery of Ali’s forgiveness, but he can’t help it.  He wishes he could find a way out of the nightmare.  It isn’t fair to Ali, to Jessi, or to himself.

(Story 3)

Now let’s change the scenario yet again.  This time, when something is missing from Ali’s garage, it is because two other neighbors, Adam and Evelyn, have actually stolen it.  But old habits die hard, so as usual, Ali runs over to Stan’s house and accuses him of again stealing the missing item and demands an apology, so that he may, for the umpteenth time, grant his unending forgiveness.

Stan has been getting psychiatric help and is pretty damned sure that he hasn’t stolen anything of late.  In fact, while going to the fridge for some late night cookies and milk, Stan sees A&E in the act of stealing from Ali’s dark garage.  And this is not the first time.  What’s even more bizarre to Stan is that he knows that Ali knows that A&E are the guilty parties.  He knows this because, during A&E’s antics, Stan has also seen Ali’s face staring out his own window at those two culprits.  Yes, this is all getting quite crazy.  When accused again by Ali, Stan insists that A&E have stolen the missing property and wonders why Ali would have the audacity to ask him to beg for forgiveness for A&E’s immoral actions.  It makes no sense.  Even though Stan remembers that he himself was once not very trustworthy, he thinks it is unjust to have to be expected to repent and beg forgiveness for what A&E did.  If he did it, fine.  But why does he have to be responsible for something someone else did?  Where is the fairness, justice, there?  In fact, it’s almost “sick.” 

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By now, all these scenarios should sound pretty familiar.  They represent exactly the kind of “forgiveness gyrations” Christianity practices, at least from my understanding of the religion.

So today, I’m going against the grain by infiltrating the highly respected DisPol (political) Channel with something a little different; the concept of “religious forgiveness.” I promise I won’t make it a habit but I think it’s worth an errant OP, for what it’s worth.  I want to explore the concept of forgiveness as understood and promoted by Christianity, vis-à-vis how we ordinary mortals think of forgiveness in everyday life.  In my stories, as you probably guessed, Stan represented mean old Satan; Ali represented God; Jessi represented Jesus; and Adam and Evelyn represented the apparently not-so-innocent bystanders.

The first story represented the ritual of asking for forgiveness over and over for transgressions (“sins”) we know we are destined to commit.  The second story involved Jesus’ taking the rap for our so-called day-to-day transgressions.  The third story represented the original transgression of A&E, to be paid for by all of humanity, for the rest of eternity.

My point in all of this is, while I try to cut them some “belief” slack out of common courtesy, I do not understand the reasoning used by Christians when it comes to their concept of “Godly forgiveness.” In our everyday world, we would frown on these warped scenarios.  Yet, as Christians, entire lives come and go, based on such logic.  They paint a picture of a God (i.e. Ali) who is a lot like us.  A God who, when it comes to forgiveness, has this need, like we humans do, to hear forgiveness requested over and over, and then a need to generously, indeed unendingly grant it.

According to Christianity:

KJV Matthew 7:7-8 … 7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye. shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh. findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Well, we saw plenty of that “asking and granting” of forgiveness in the stories.  In Christianity, their “forgiveness need” can be all-consuming and never-ending.

Case in point… my indoctrinated soon-to-be 20-year-old step-granddaughter wrote to me this weekend, for our weekly song exchanges, to remind me that I, too, need to continuously request forgiveness from her God (and I quote):

 

Well this one [In Christ Alone - Taryn Harbridge] you will enjoy the sound of it, but hopefully the lyrics make you just a little uncomfortable (though I will be letting you decide for yourself if you want lyrics; the song is only music). Not that I want you to just be uncomfortable or that I like making people feel that way, but I do want people to be uncomfortable with their shortcomings and what those shortcomings mean when held up to the perfection of God. And then to understand what he did for your shortcomings! It's all in the song too :P 

My favorite verse of this song is 4. It's more than just a song that brings me comfort or hope, though it does do that too. I know these words are true. As the song says "this is the power of Christ in me." Mostly the lyrics to this song make people tune out and glaze over, but I hope the words roll around in your head a little longer than most.

My reply to her was: I’m pretty, actually very comfortable with my sense of spirituality already.  Like yours, it was years in the making and it satisfies me more than I think you realize.  (And that's okay.  I understand.)  So, what more could each of us ask for?  We are both exactly where we want to be.  Nope... no complaints here. :)

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Human forgiveness I can get.  I’ve lived it, used it, and understand it.  But I have to wonder, is biblical forgiveness merely an extension of human forgiveness, and some sort of religious psychological game Christians play to stay (I’ll call it) “comfortable”?  If it’s not a psychological game, I really don’t get how it works, since (like the Borg) it’s a rather futile endeavor, hopeless in its success.  Their understanding of sin seems to be a never-ending dilemma/challenge for them.

And is it really all that shocking that most non-Christians, like myself, reject the insanity of this forgiveness story, and wonder how Christians can repeat it with a straight face?  What is it exactly that makes the “Godly forgiveness” story fly… century after century?  Is it fear, reverence, desire, comfort, other?

So, finally… if you made it this far, here’s the challenge I present you with:

Give your analysis of MY analysis of what I see as the (I’ll call it) “Christian forgiveness nightmare conundrum.”  What am I missing?

Then give your own analysis of it.  In other words, how do you see the idea of “Godly forgiveness,” as understood by virtually every Christian?  Does it make logical sense to you?  I no, why not?  If yes, why?

And thanks for reading, posting, and recommending.